I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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