I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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