I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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