i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
