I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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