so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
