i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
