i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
