The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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