Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
