So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
