when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
