oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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