if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
