Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this boner is exhausting
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
