just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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