You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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