It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
