i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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