My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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