So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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