My underwear smells like fireworks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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