I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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