You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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