U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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