Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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