Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
