my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize