Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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