??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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