Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
