just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
