That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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