it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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