10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
