capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
