Kiss
Puke
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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