omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
