I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
