making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
