I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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