I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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