I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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