Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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