I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
