Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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