You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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