He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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