Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
