Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
