Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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