I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
