oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
