i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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