My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
