Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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