I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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