went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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