Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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