I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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