I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
