Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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