It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
