textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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