How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
