If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
