Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
