seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
