Welp...herpes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
