Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
