T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
