Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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