omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
