batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
