All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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