come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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