sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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