genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
