I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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