That's intense
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
