It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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