I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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