I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
